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It's been a rought time.

Today, wednesday I'm typing you in a fog from my back injections. I was hoping to go to church tonight, and I asked my group ahead of time if there was someone who could graciously take me there and home. I'm trying to find a way to get 3 band aids off the center of my back from the procedure earlier. There is no one here, and my parents are busy til next week. I came home from surgery and there was a nice nasty note saying I missed my annual housing inspection. Missing this inspection may lead to termination to the program. I never received anything in the mail and so I called the guy saying I was in surgery at that time and I never recieved any notice. I even checked my mailbox this morning. Still progressing back in time. I was late getting into the OR room because they couldn't start an IV line. It took 5 times before there was any contact. Then once in the OR I was stabbed 4 times in my low back with Nerve Block and 6 times in my mid back with a nerve block. Talk about a human pin cushion. Now Since I'm unable to drive before or after surgery I had asked one of my parents. It had been decided that I be picked up from my apt somewhere after 10:30ish./ I had to be at the surgery center at noon. I finally call them at 11:25 asking who has left to come get me - and no one had. It apparently got dumped on my mom and she didn't really know about it. I had an appt even before this which the gal was running late. It was to check out my CPAP and get full replaceent parts for it. Well the company/store decided to run my insurance to confirm payment and they found out my insurance has been cancelled. MediCare and MediCal - Cancelled. So I got to start my day at 8:30am trying to find out why and I went in circles and being yelled at on the phone that the store needs to call for verification, and me saying they just did and they were told for me to call and find out what is wrong is the way to fix it. Soooo many phone calls.
3-16 Made Dinner, took meds and went to bed at about 8pm so I can fast for surgery.
Came home and started calling IHSS (In Home Support Services) a county program that I use to have help in cleaning my apt and me carrying groceries, and doing laundry. I was on hold with then for 45 minutes before a human answered and they said my account is closed because I don't have a worker. I said I don't have a worker because no on on the lists you have provided me wants to work for 10/hrs a month. And then the lady said - well since it has been so long you must be doing ok without it. I said I am not. So it is a another game of hurry up and wait for a social worker to come out and evaluate my current needs. I finally got something to eat at my parents house but with one sharp knife flying out of the butcher block at me and another one trying to cut me when I was cutting bacon was really scaring me. It was 11:45am by the time I was finally home from the lab to get blood drawn. I did finally get my blood drawn but they guy didn't trust my access points and so he went into the back of the hand which is nice purple and green for st patties day. The second clerk on the second floor had no problems registering me for the lab without my Medicare and Medical cards. My ID and MR # were just fine for stickers for test tubes. I had gone up to the 3rd floor Psych Dept to get some assistance since This is the dept that my Lab request came from. Apparently it has to be registered before you go and sit in the Lab area like I did for over 30 minutes. I went to the 2nd floor where I "tried to register" but the lady wanted to register patients who had appointments only instead of me, and wasn't willing to try to help me out when it came down to physical proof my my medical cards. This was my first time using the lab where I go for my Psych appts and pick up my Prescriptions. I don't know how any of the other depts work. But I felt like I was being treated like I should of known. Definate lack of blood sugar (dinner at 7pm remember) and not having taken my medications yet - (taken when I wake up) put me in an EXTREMELY BAD PLACE.
My dinner date was cancelled apparently to family emergencies, but those have become a habit. My psych appt for the day was also cancelled due to illness. I still needed to go to the lab for my fasting blood tests, but once I got there - they were closed due to wet paint. I went to my parents house to have breakfast since I have very little food at my place. Well apparently I kept emptying everything I touched. They said they had to go to the grocery store, but it just wasn't happening positively in my mind. I decided to make a couple of phone calls to different dr's . The 1st one he wouldn't be back until after lunch and would recieve a phone call then. (not til the next day actually) The other one is for my bariatric surgery. I would connect with the operator, however in the transferring the call would drop. That happened 6x's. I said fine and I went to get up and the arm rest of the chair came off with me. I brought it to my parents and said - ok - I broke this too, but they were laughing because they had unscrewed it so they they can get a replacement part. To me, it wasn't funny. Just and other Zinger. I then recieved a phone call from the prison saying they had not recieved our food package which I got fed ex verification it was there in 3/8, alwready posted to my account online, and on my monthly statement. I was informed it the package isn't there by thursday I would have to cancel my visit. What the heck - Fed EX shows it there I feel someone needs to go and do a little more looking.

3-14 It was a day that I decided to bake. I made brownies for friends and cookies for friends. However 2 of these 4 friends decided to become unresponsive which really made me feel like crap. Cooking in my kitchen with the door open overlooking the pool was great, but I was running out of ingredients. I posted a help please and I'll reward you with goodies, but no one responded in 4-5 hours. I just needed butter and the store is just right across the street. Nothing from Facebook. Another friend who I made special cookies for told me she was going to call me once she had gassed up her car. I called her for 3 hours - home, cell, texted and nothing. I end up driving to her place - front door open, tv on, and no response, until after 10 minutes. Was she trying to ignore me? I feel like people don't like me and don't want to be around me at all. It isn't a paranoid feeling, it is what I'm observing around me.
I've already been having thoughts of hurting myself - ending it all forever, but then I say it's not fair to Dave. I don't want to just go on a mini vacation and have someone take care of me - no - this is full on kill myself and actually doing it right. I don't know how much longer I can go through all of this. How much torture can a person take before they give in and go to that light?

Fustrated over collecting Money

I now know how bill collectors feel. I have been trying to collect my pet deposit back from my last apartment complex (on my now DEAD cat) with no such luck. They say it was extra rent I had to pay. BS. I called Project Sentinel and they said - Small Claims Court. ($400)

Also Family Visiting has changed at the prison. I no longer mail in a money order and Og selects the menu, but we found this out 2 days after I mailed my $90 money order. I have to order my food for the visit out of a catalog instead. I keep getting mixed messages with the last one saying - oh we're not going to refund any of the money back to anyone.($90.??)

I signed up for comcast internet services shortly after I moved in here and I was offered a bonus $50 in comcast bucks if I was switching from another provider. I was, I have, and now I can no longer contact the contractor I was doing this with. ($50)

And the last thing is that I had a lawyer case opened from a small car accident I was in. There is a settlement due to me, but the person I'm supposed to receive it from now has gone awol. No emails answered, no phonecalls returned.($1500)

Yes I'm depressed, yes I'm lonely, Yes I'm frustrated, and I feel that I can't do anything right. These are the 4 things that have been on my TO DO list for the past 6 weeks.ARGGHHH!!!!!

Death of my best friend - Clea

I had to do the hardest thing in my life today. I had to put my cat of 16 years to sleep. She had been there when I went away to college, during the abusive relationships, during the lonely times, during the poor times where I couldn't even afford catfood. I would have to scrape the mold off my leftovers from my fridge and feed those to her. My wonderful most friendliest cat who got shot by a pellet gun by someone who hated cats, who got locked in a footlocker for a week and still survived.

Last sunday I had taken her to the vet because she wasn't walking so well and had taken a tumble off my tall bed. She was put on pain medicines,and she seemed to be doing better. However, starting thursday night she started vomiting (on my bed). We're not sure if the medicine caused a bleeding ulcer or not, but for the past 3 days she was puking up dark vomit. (later I find out that was blood in her vomit) She stopped eatting and drinking. I was forcing water into her via syringe in her mouth, but she wasn't happy about it. There was still more output of liquids than input. Her problems could of also been linked to the Nutro CatFood recall, but due to finances I will never know.

She was keeping me going, especially with Dave being gone and Guillermo back in training with Guide Dogs. I now have no pets, no companions here in my new apt. Dave has been notified, but of course can't do anything about the situation. I am in mourning.



He was born on 4-4-08. He now weighs 70-80lbs. He's going back up to Guide Dogs for the Blind for level 2 training on Monday. He has been such an awesome dog to raise and I will miss him dearly. After this - next time I see him will hopefully be at his graduation.
I Love You Guillermo

States Visited

visited 38 states (76%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or try another Douwe Osinga project

I have a dad who likes to drive cross country for vacations and Nearly all my relatives live on the east coast. My dad now delivers motorhomes throughout North America. My mom gets tired of him being around and says "don't you need to do some driving and make some money or something" They're the people who bought a motorhome to retire in.

hippo birdies bikercat

I hope you have a good one :)

Funny Bumper Stickers on the way home

I Miss Bill (and some small print about Clinton)

The End of and Error 1-20-09


How much of a Movie Buff Am I??

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 219 movies on this list. Copy this list, then paste it on facebook or on your blog. Then, put x's next to the movies you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click publish at the side.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story - in the theater, even!
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG which version? - both
(x) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving -MAS
(x) Flubber original version only
(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window - original version
(x) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
(x) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge - japanese version
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Sleven
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremacy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled - both versions
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog - both versions
(x) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds - both versions
(x) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
(x) X-Men
(x) X2
( ) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday - original version
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
( ) Shrek 2
( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street - both versions
( ) Old School
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Kippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
(x) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
( ) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
( ) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
( ) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
( ) Base-ketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( ) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
( ) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
(X) Dawn Of the Dead - both versions
(x) Hook
( ) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld
( ) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) The Hills Have Eyes - original
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left - original
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness
(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
(x) The Matrix
( ) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
( ) Battle Royale
( ) Battle Royale 2
( ) Brazil
( ) Contact
( ) Cube - both versions
( ) Dr. Strangelove
( ) Enlightenment Guaranteed
( ) Four Rooms
( ) Memento
( ) Pi
( ) Requiem for a Dream
( ) Pulp Fiction
( ) Reservoir Dogs
( ) Run Lola Run
( ) Russian Ark
( ) Serenity
(x) Sin City
( ) Snatch
( ) Spider
(x) The Sixth Sense
( ) The Village
( ) Waking Life
( ) Zatoichi
( ) Ikiru
( ) The Seven Samurai
( ) Brick
( ) Akira


Congrats on finishing college

Chaos!!! YEA!!! What are you going to do now???

Rainbow color

Your rainbow is strongly shaded blue.


What is says about you: You are a tranquil person. You appreciate friends who get along with one another. You share hobbies with friends and like trying to fit into their routines.

Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.